I’m turning this into a blog. I will continue to post here but also I will send out a link to the blog format. I’ve been inspired by the blogs of others with cancer to share in a more public way. I have a few blogs that I read that I think are amazing and I sought them out looking for familiarity of experience. As much as people are understanding, there’s nothing that compares in talking or reading about someone else with cancer. So I’m implementing that. The blog is subscribable and hopefully I can reach others who are looking for some comfort that only another cancer survivor can share. And I will add pictures.
Jeff and I are getting married. Another happening. Its kind of a blur as to when that happened and in such a short time. I looked over at him and said, “we should get married”. That’s how I remember it, but I’ve also been on lots of drug combos and in looking back at things now, situations all seem to have this dreamy quality about them. I’m remembering people who visited in the hospital and wondering if I dreamt it.
My intention for adding a wedding into a new cancer diagnoses was wanting to focus on life. The doctor prognosis sucked and marrying the man that I’ve been with for 6 years and have an amazing relationship with trumped anything they could have told me.
I’m also wanting to switch oncologists. My hospice nurse called my oncologist a fatalist. Pretty strong word. Regardless, I get what she means. The man means well, he’s just orientated towards stats and giving solemn news. Other’s of the hospital staff say that he cares very much about me and it’s hard for him. I get that. I just want it delivered differently.
And my hair is falling out. In large clumps. I’ve already cut some hair if you’ve seen my facebook page. I’m getting a shorted haircut in a couple days. I’ve been prepared and not prepared for this. Having shaved my head twice in life voluntarily, I know how to be proactive here. I saw some inspiration at Sephora when I was getting my makeup done. An artist there had a really cool pastel colored shaved head with these lines cut into it. I can totally rock that. And I bought myself some really nice big and expensive sunglasses. I will need hats though. This time is a little different having the head feel tender from radiation. And I’m not sure when it will grow back, I’ve read different things.
I have to call and see if my whole head is affected or just underneath. This could change the style that I go for next. I read it could take 2-3 months to grow back on it’s own. So does that mean bald spotty?
What is really different now is that this head shave is involuntary. The other times were radical decisions, making statements. One was right after I met Jeff and could have been a test of his character, considering I did it 3 weeks into our relationship. This time, I was sitting at the dining table and ran my fingers in my hair and came out with large clumps. A little different. I cried.
For the wedding, I will wear a wig and possibly 2 or 3 and maybe pink or purple. It’s kind of all good.